This is a story of a woman, who waged war against the universe and still fighting….
This woman defies the below theories
Motivation = [Expectancy * value] / [1+ (Impulsiveness *Delay)] or Motivation = Expectancy *Instrumentality*Valence
She has no expectancy to value nor impulsiveness to delay. Her Instrumentality is the valence of her belief that ; motivation = law of acceptance”. She explains it as; when life gives you something that you didn’t expect, then it means, there is a better one awaiting the road further, thus start accepting the life the way it is and make further best out of it. She is the mother of a child who is impacted with Cerebral palsy (CP). For most of who don’t know, CP is group of permanent disorders that appear in a child with stiff and weak muscles along with tremors. These children have problem with walking, sitting, vision, hearing, speaking and sensation. These children do not roll over, sit, crawl or walk for the life time. This mother comes from a family who gave her the best life and she never had complains. She got married with a man, who always took life easy. For him, what was important is, life should go on with whatever good, bad and ugly you have, but there shouldn’t be much expectations. They had a perfect marriage, but a child of this condition after a year.
In India, there are still homes where these disorders are fashionable excuse for bad parenting. This woman fought with the world and is still fighting for her portion of sky. I know days when she didn’t sleep because her child (5 years with 16kgs of weight now) was sleeping on her whole night. Next day morning she would get up as if, she had the best sleep of universe and not complain. There have been days, when her child kept crying the entire day/night and this women will pamper the 5 years as if 1 year old child. In every birthday of the child, she prays and hopes the next birthday, all will be ok, but yet another year is added and hope still remains. She fought with so many, who criticised her child and now in the name of relatives (or close bys), she only has countable ones. She stopped going to celebrations or acknowledging invitations, not because she feels low, but because she has promised that she will only go with her child (whenever that happens). I sometimes feel, she has waged a war against the almighty. Whenever someone calls the child a special, she urges not to. According to her it’s not a tragedy, her child has a disability and that is just like having ear, nose and eyes. She also hates people calling her ’special’ or thinking she somehow has extra qualities that enable her to deal with all this. Her husband saw her weep only once and that was after reading an article which claimed that children with CP, have an average life span of 25-30 years. Her counter question was “is the author an almighty and who is he to measure the portion of life and death in average? I would write an article dejecting his view point”. She did so !!!!! The tough part is, her child can’t express anything and will only cry for everything. For her father, all the cries look similar, but her mom knows what the cry is for. No permutation and combinations, she would exactly say, this cry is for stomach ache or hunger or sleep or head ache or request for change in cartoon video/song. Very rightly said “A mother is she who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take”.
I was reading an article which prescribed the below traits that a person should have, to inspire and motivate
1. Never miss a chance to recognise opportunities : Her looking for positives in all happenings, reminds me of this trait.
2. Communicate goals in specific terms and make sure the goals are clearly understood : For her life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a what we write and make leaning unnecessary. This character of hers is a relay of this trait.
3. Resist the temptation to micromanage : Her natural state of motherhood is incomparable and can’t be stigmatized. She knows when to be around her child and when not to.
4. Believe in investing the energy for good : Her secret hope that everything will be fine one day, outlives all and is a classic example of this trait.
5. She is pleasant to be around. She smiles, laughs, and is consistent in her actions and behaviors. ( A quality that we can’t resist from)
6. She always seeks feedback on how she is doing, even from people who don’t live her life, but who believe she is doing the best to her abilities (her child’s physiotherapist and doctor). This trait of seeking feedback is a sign of good motivator.
A motivated individual doesn’t exist without the above mentioned traits and I learn this every day from her motherhood. She is none other than my wife; Jagriti (Preethi). Thank you for being there always !! You are the most amazing person that I have come across and matter of fact, one of the best thing that happened in last 6+ years of my life.
Almighty, I still don’t know why you made women strong, but I can say that, it’s because, when they are mothers, they could withstand everything off their children !!! Thanks!!!